Revisiting my blog after a long long time. Feels good to be back!
Today just happens to be one of those off days for me. And when you have such a day, you are driven to think all that you are not suppose to think.
So instead to sitting and simply racking my brains & burning my head out, I thought of penning down my thoughts instead, so as to constructively use my time and energy.
I donot know what may eventually come out in this post but even if there is negativity that is gono come out.. so be it.. as long as it is vented out on a blog or a piece of paper without really hurting anyone.. I should be okay with it.
Hmmm..the trigger for me is always a fight with a loved one which eventually leads me into thinking and introspection ! And while introspecting there isn't just one aspect that you visit.. which is precisely what has happenend. I just feel so many things are questionable that sometimes it makes me .. ummm.. forget it!
For one , I donot know what exactly do I want from life. A loving husband was definitely on the cards and I m glad and eternally thankful to God for giving me one. But it doesn't just stop there... What about Career??
CAREER!
Caught up in a place full of experienced people, it does make me feel insecure & incompetent at times.
Competitive spirit seems to be dying out coz I don't really have my peers to compete with.
On the flip side the greatest advantage of such a set up is... I get to be in the renowned company of very experienced & learned gentlemen who have a lot to impart.
So i really won't deny that it has been a learning curve, but still satisfaction levels are low. Now whay is that so !
When I really try to think, the first question I ask myself is , "Do I really enjoy my work?" and my answer comes out like... "Its okay" and this does bother me.
Honestly it could be because we do not have any orders in hand, so the challenge , the pull, the pressure is never felt.. and when that is not there, u tend to get complacent. And hence you not driven to give in your best.
I have always loved living on the edge.. with quick decisions.. ample stuff to keep me engaged.. but that just doesn't seem to happen. Offlate, all I have become is a lazy bum.. who even at the tought of a morning walk cringes!! Now that is sooooo sooo not done !
People do keep harping about self motivation. But let me tell you that is the toughest hing to do!!
Plus to make things worse, there is this management course which has come up, which requires me to sacrifice a considerable bit in terms of time n committment. I still am trying to figure out if I m ready!
Now thats a lame excuse, coz its a great opportunity n I shoud be grabbing it with both hands...but whats holding me is the timing of it..
Now once again its a question of priority.. education first or FAMILY first. If I go for it, most certainly, plans to have a FAMILY have to be on hold for atleast 2 years.
Am I willing to sacrifice that...coz I m not the only one in that desision!
Age is right.. but is the attitude right?? uffff !! Why do u need to answer yourself on so many occasions!
The last thing I want is to be answerable to anyone... But then how do you excape yourself! A tough one isn't it !!
So just trying to figure out those answers!! trying to take a plunge!
